Toilet Ruminations #5

I am happy I did not spend the $200.00 in my pocket at the strip club. It was nice to be out of my house (where I always am) in a dingey and sordid environment surrounded by naked women. It was like getting to leave the world and time I live in and go someplace else. Someplace where woman are naked, the lights are dark and no one knows each other’s name. I like that the strip club was old and located on the edge of the earth. I liked that I could see sexuality that is normally repressed out in the open. It felt good and healthy. It was strange to be almost fifty in a strip club. I have been in strip clubs since my early twenties and to still be doing the same thing, to still be burdened with the same animal cravings, shows me that little has changed. The only difference is that I am gray-haired now, no longer as attractive as when young but handsome enough. I also was able to hold on to my money and tell the women “No thank you” without feeling bad. But there was one woman I could not resist. She had the exact body type I desire. She told me that she was the bad kind of bi-polar and I told her those are the kind that are the most fun. She gave me a twenty-dollar lap dance and it was wonderful to feel her on me. We had sex with clothes on and touching her body felt like a great relief. What I normally desire was sitting on my lap. What a pleasure it was. For a few minutes I forgot about all my problems and worries. Nothing hurt. I was saturated in the object of my desire. I told her I was grateful to her for this. “What a wonderful body you have,” I told her. She said, “Thank you.” She also told me again that she is the bad kind of bi-polar and can not connect with anyone. She talked fast and in a language I could not understand. I did not mind. As she talked I just took pleasure in her body. She told me she has fun with other people but not alone. I understood. I wondered if I am bi-polar also. She stuck my hands on her ass and told me to have a good night. I felt good for the first time in a long while. Afterwards, all my problems, burdens and worries returned. I left and went home to bed.

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