Toilet Ruminations #7

What is it with my mind? I am so less skilled than I think I am. Our problems. Why are our problems the most difficult for us to see? It is obvious that I am generating my own problems. That it is brain disorder. It is my thinking that is wrong or problematic. It is my thinking, my brain generating the problems. Thought. But I don’t see this. I can’t really believe it. It feels so real. It feels so true and right that it can’t possibly be wrong. The brain gets activated. The adrenaline follows. Once in that state the problems, the thoughts, become real. They are difficult to shake. They are difficult to remain relaxed with. They are difficult to not engage. They feel so real. But it’s the brain generating the problem. The threat is not there. The threat is not there. I mean the threat is there but not in the way you perceive it. It’s not the threat that is the problem. You cannot even perceive the real problems. But the problems you perceive seem so real and immanent. They create such severe physical discomfort. It is like someone jumping out at you in a dark alley and that someone is not even there. Insanity or sensitivity? The brain makes it feel so real, but it is not real. It is the thought that is the problem. This is why I am going to have a drink. Often but not always, I need to drink to annihilate the problems.

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