Toilet Ruminations #34

I have ended up a psychologist. I don’t understand how this has happened. In retrospect it seems to have happened on accident. I stumbled into it just like anyone else with a lot of problems and not many other opportunities does. I wonder if people ever wonder what the inside of a psychologists head looks like when the psychologist is in a therapy session? People would be horrified if they could really see what goes on. I should show people what happens in the head of a psychologist as he sits with a client. Lets open that head up as he sits there with a client. What is going on? “I wish this person would shut the hell up. Do they realize how boring their problems are? Do they realize how painfully normal they are? I hear this same stuff day after day. But they think their problems are so special and unique. This is agonizing. I cannot take listening to this person anymore. I would never interact with this person if I were not being paid. This is horribly painful. I can’t believe there is still twenty minutes left in our session. Who do these people think they are? They think they are so special and important that every week they need to come and pay someone to listen to them sit on a couch and talk about their problems. Who does this? Get over yourselves people. We all have problems. We all have issues. Deal with it. Why do you need to pay someone week after week to listen to you talk about your problems? It is because you think you are so special. It is because you think your problems are so unique to you. You take your problems too seriously man. You are a total narcissist. Learn how to deal with your problems on your own. Make art. Write. Do something. But this needing to talk to someone, week after week, is abnormal. You are torturing people like me. If people would just collectively stop thinking that their problems are so special and unique, maybe people would stop going to psychologists. Maybe then the profession of psychology would end and poor souls like my self could be set free. These idiots who come week after week keep me fed but they also keep me suffering. What am I going to do tonight? I can’t wait to have a drink. I want to go to a strip club. How wonderful it would be to see a naked woman. To put my hands on a naked and depraved woman. I need a naked woman to save me from this. Having to concentrate on this person is so painful. I am smiling and they think I care but inside I am in pain. This is torturous. Your problems are so boring and mundane that pretending to be interested in you hurts. But I need your money so I have to sit here and act like I care. I cannot wait until this session is done. Ten more minutes. I cannot wait to have that drink. I cannot wait to be done with these people. Maybe I should move my couch against that wall? What color should I paint the bathroom?” I am sure a variation of this goes on in all psychologists heads as they sit there with you. Human problems are so boring after awhile. There is no way any psychologist could still be engaged and interested after being on the job for five or more years. Being a psychologist is the most difficult profession in the world because you have to seem engaged while doing something very mundane and dull. People do not understand this. But maybe I should let them know what goes on in a psychologist’s head.

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