Toilet Ruminations #37

Maybe I just do not get along with anyone. Can you think of anyone whom after spending a lot of time with, you get along with? Not off the top of my head. People are generally annoying. There are few people who are not annoying after spending long periods together. Human beings are not meant to spend long periods together. There are few people who really enjoy one another’s company and get along after long periods together. They are the fortunate ones. The winners in this relationship game. Most relationships turn sour over time simply because the couple is spending too much time together. They spend their day together. They sleep together. If a couple is not well-adjusted to one another this could be a nightmare. If the couple does not genuinely love one another, too much time together will trigger a gradual war. They will continually nag at one another like animals who turn on one another after being too long in a cage. They will be bothered by various things the other does. They will literally be going crazy when around that person simply because they are spending too much time together. My wife and I are continually on one another’s case. Continually scratching at one another. Continually bothered by something the other is doing or not doing. It is a weight that burdens our daily relationship. When we take long periods of space from one another the weight lifts. I am not easy to get along with. My mind is a critical mind. Expert at noticing what others are doing wrong. I am not hesitant to talk about it. This bothers my wife. If she is picking her nose around me I will ask her not to. I will tell her that it is not sexy. If she is neglecting to do something I will tell her. If she uses the bathroom too much I will ask her what is going on. This pisses her off. She does not like being told that she is doing something wrong because she grew up with parents whom she could do no wrong by. As a result of my being critical and frustrated with her she has grown resentful and annoyed with me. If I chew too loud or the wrong way when around her she is filled with rage (this is called Misophonia). It is a nightmare that I did not know about when we first met. Almost every meal with her is upsetting. If I say something she does not like she gets filled with disdain. It is like we are continually playing tennis with our resentments towards one another. Back and forth they go like tennis balls. Maybe it is all my creation. Maybe I am imagining and manifesting all of this from my damaged head. After all, I grew up with parents whom I could never do right by. I was always doing something wrong. It was a continually battlefield between my father and I. So maybe I have taken this battlefield and brought it into my current relationships. Maybe I do not know how to be in a relationship without this battlefield. It is possible. But rather than thinking the cause of my wife and I never getting along has something to do with my wounded relationship with my father, I would rather blame it on spending too much time together. Makes more sense to me.

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