Toilet Ruminations #39 (easy going guy)

“I am an easy going guy,” I tell myself. This is my new aspiration. This is who I want to be. An easy going guy. Yesterday, when I told my wife that I was just an easy going guy she laughed loud and deep. “Why is that funny?” I asked her. “Because you are the opposite of an easy going guy,” she replied. “Are you serious?” I replied half joking. “Yes! You are almost always angry. You are often very anxious and on edge. Something is always bothering you. You are continually critical and judgmental.” I took a deep breath. I was not happy to hear this even though I know it is not true. I am not an easy going guy. I am not easy going in any way. But I aspire to be easy going. Those who are easy going are good at enduring themselves. They are able to shrug their shoulders and forget about it. They don’t give dislikes and likes much energy. They say, “Doesn’t much matter,” to the world. To be easy going is to be a philosophical practitioner of nothing matters. Nothing is a big deal. There is no right or wrong. It is all meaningless so enjoy yourself. Don’t take anything serious. Especially yourself. None of it is a big deal. It is all dust. Why worry? Why stress? These are the philosophical precepts of the easy going. It is all dust so enjoy yourself. This is what I am telling myself. Over and over I recite to myself, “You are an easy going guy.” When I get angry because the house is a mess, “You are an easy going guy.” When my wife does one of her many things that piss me off, “You are an easy going guy.” When I hate my job and my life, “You are an easy going guy.” When I am feeling very anxious and afraid, “You are an easy going guy.” When I am worrying about money and my ability to support my lifestyle, “You are an easy going guy.” When I am angry at someone else because they are behaving like an idiot, “You are an easy going guy.” When I feel unappreciated and let down by others, “You are an easy going guy.” When I feel like others are being self-righteous and self-absorbed jerks, “You are an easy going guy.” When I am feeling guilty for spending too much money at the strip club, “You are an easy going guy.” When I feel like I have drank way too much coffee, “You are an easy going guy.” When my wife is being mean to me and I want to get mad in return, “You are an easy going guy.” When the sky is covered with smoke and it feels as if the end of the world is near, “You are an easy going guy.” When I come across people I deeply dislike, “You are an easy going guy.” When I am confronted with the detritus and crap that popular American culture creates, “You are an easy going guy.” When I feel like I am not living authentically, “You are an easy going guy.” When I judge myself for being the way that I am, “You are an easy going guy.” When I really do not want to do something that I have to do (like go to work), “You are an easy going guy.” When I disdain the entire world and everyone in it, “You are an easy going guy.” When I am angry because I am picking up dog shit once again, “You are an easy going guy.” When people do not respond to my texts or emails, “You are an easy going guy.” When I judge myself for not being the writer and artist that I want to be, “You are an easy going guy.” This is how I will face the world. As an aspiring easy going guy.

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