Toilet Ruminations #46

We are living within a kind of matrix. I am not a big fan of the word “matrix” but this is what it is. A consensually agreed upon reality that we are all upholding. Most are so far gone they do not even know they are in it. What is that called? A simulation. No, a simulacra. This is what we have become. A simulacra of our real selves. Within this matrix there are particular ways of behaving which are acceptable and we are all trying to fit into this format. I do it myself all the time. No one sees me as I really am. I must hide behind this socially constructed facade. As a psychologist I appear and behave in a certain way. As a psychologist I am a simulacra. Socially I appear and behave in a certain way. I am never myself. If I was myself I would lose most of my clients. I would no longer be able to practice psychotherapy because I would not be behaving or appearing in a professionally acceptable way. I rarely say what I actually think. I rarely tell others what I do or what I believe to be true. I am mostly playing the social game and the only times I am myself are when I am locked away in this bathroom masturbating. I mean ruminating. This is me right now. These thoughts. This is me. But I can not be this person out in the world. I would be persecuted. Judged. Looked down upon. Hanged. Dragged through the streets and beheaded! There will come a time when people will realize the extreme degree of conformity, servitude and repression that we are currently living within. We are living in a dark age. People are very repressed. People are hiding. The people that you see and talk to are not being who they are. They are hiding behind the person you see. We are in hiding for fear of being rejected from this consensual social reality which has been created for us. We have not set up the rules of this reality. The media, the government, corporations have done it. This is what allows these beasts to stay in power and get rich. To maintain their wealth. This is how they keep us buying their products and keep us behaving how they want us to behave. It is mostly done through fear, which is spread large through the media. It is not healthy to live within this degree of fear. Of course I am afraid of being who I really am. I am afraid that I will lose everything if I do this. I will be seriously judged. It is fear that keeps the costumes of the matrix on. Fear is what is driving our every move. So we put on fake smiles. Fake enthusiasm. Fake happiness. Fake personas. Fake everything so that we can fit into the reality we think that we need in order to survive. We hope we are not discovered. We hope we are not approached by the police. We hope we are not rejected. We hope we are able to keep getting paid. We are living in a terribly dark time and as a psychologist I have to pick up the mess created by this matrix. The strange thing is that this matrix is all of us. We are doing it to one another.

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