Toilet Ruminations #49

This bathroom is my studio. My laboratory. This bathroom is the democratization of thought. A kind of explosion of expression. This bathroom is an independent record label for my thought. That sounds ridiculous but this is what it is. I can sound ridiculous if I want. I use this bathroom as someone would use an instrument. The bathroom itself  is an instrument. An instrument of perpetual, uncensored thought. I build up large amounts of thought. Thought upon thought. Thought moving at various speeds. I build up my thoughts until I have the expression which feels satisfying to me. Then I start all over again from the beginning. Each time I enter my bathroom to ruminate I am creating a new form of expression. No different from a musician who walks into their studio each day, picks up an instrument and creates a new song. These toilet rumination are my songs. This is the kind of music I want to create. I have a vision. This vision is a collection of a massive amount of thoughts. Thoughts uncensored. Authentic thoughts. Thoughts that are not sampled or dubbed. Pure thoughts, as humiliating to me as many of these thoughts are. What do I care? Why would I care? I live in a world where everyone’s thoughts are dubbed and sampled. Mediated. Everybody else learns very early on what they are supposed to think, what they are supposed to let go of and then they proceed to  be socialized. Only the artist refuses this process. The artist is the only person who ever tells the truth. My bathroom is a laboratory of truth. On this toilet is the only place that I can practice my art. Outside of this bathroom truth is very difficult. It is impossible. There is no room for truth out there. We think we are living in truth but we are so far from it. We are too afraid. We all lie continually. No one lives in truth. The air we breathe will not stand for truth. The environment we live in is too antagonistic to truth. We ourselves are much too afraid of total truth. My bathroom is an instrument of truth. I can come in here, sit on the toilet and be completely truthful. The sound that my bathroom makes is the sound of truth. Can you hear it? I am not capable of this outside of here. I try but I get backed up. I really try to be as truthful out there as I am in here, but I can’t seem to do it. Just when I think I am being truthful I later realize that it was a complete lie. When I am lying I later realize that I was actually being very truthful! The environment out there is set up to not allow truth. Our interpersonal relationships are conditioned to not allow for truth. Truth is impossible to achieve with one another. Maybe there will be pockets of truth but when we feel like we have spoken our truth to another person we will later realize that we were not being truthful at all! It is a form of madness. Our society has been set up to create this effect. The mechanism of anti-truth have been conditioned into all of us. It exists at a very deep psychological level. Underneath the amygdala is where it is located if I had to choose a place. It is only when using the instrument of my bathroom, the laboratory that my bathroom has become for me, it is only within the solitude from the outside world that my bathroom allows for me, that I can rediscover truth. But my wife is knocking on the bathroom door. She says she desperately needs to use the bathroom. This is the problem with sharing a bathroom with another person. I have to get up and go even though I have not yet finished my song.

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