I am a victim of one of the largest forms of manipulation and social conditioning placed upon a person. In Western society most of us are. This idea of monogamy. It is not natural. It is not organic. It is an idea created by someone at some point and this idea has spread like a virus. We are all now so committed to this idea that we become violently inflamed when it is opposed or threatened. But it is just an idea that we all take as something that is natural and normal. But it is not natural and normal. It is a limitation. It is a belief. It is a particular way of thinking about being in a relationship. Monogamy is a belief system. It is a particular belief in an idea about how we think a romantic relationship should be. We believe that people should pair up in a very limiting and particular way. I can understand this idea of monogamy in certain ways. It prevents confusion about pregnancy. It allows a couple to significantly reduce their chances of getting a sexually transmitted disease. Maybe for these reasons alone, monogamy should be thought of as a legitimate way to be in relationship with another person. Monogamy has value because it protects a person from these confusions and dangers. But it still does not make monogamy the fundamental and only acceptable idea about how to be in relationship. It is just a particular belief in a particular way of being in a relationship. It is nothing more than a belief and most people are extreme fundamentalists when it comes to this belief in monogamy. So much so that those who are not monogamous are seen as terrible and awful human beings. How is this any different from say a Muslim thinking those who do not believe in Mohamed are wretched human beings? And even though monogamy has benefits of protecting one against sexually transmitted diseases and confusion around pregnancy it is not full proof. Plenty of people have affairs when in monogamous relationships. Plenty of people get sick and die when in monogamous relationships. Plenty of people are lied to and manipulated in monogamous relationships. Monogamous relationship are a poor substitute for a solution to the difficulties of life. In fact monogamy can make life more difficult for most people since anyone who is only with one person for a long period of time is going to grow frustrated and bored with that person. It is human nature to seek out variety. We seek out variety in everything we consume and do, why should who we are in relationship with be exempt from this? Human beings are variety seeking creatures and this is why monogamy is abnormal and not natural for humans. This is why monogamy will make most people less healthy and dulled down over time. It is important to take risks. To be brave. To open up our beliefs and ideas about relationships so there can be more flow and variety. So things can be more interesting and engaging. Monogamy creates such a narrow space around a person. The vast majority of people in monogamous relationships can not move without their partner feeling jealous, hurt, ignored, abandoned and on and on. Who is that you are talking to? Who is that who texted you? Did you just check her out? It is pathetic. How exhausting. But monogamy feeds into our fear. We grab on to another person because we are afraid of being alone and being hurt. We watch their every move to make sure they are honoring us. That they are dedicated to us. How arrogant. Because of this arrogance and fear the other person will feel drained and suffocated. Like they can’t move without doing something wrong. Unhappiness will be the end result. The moment we try to make another human being our possession we will run into suffering and misery. People can not be possessed. Human beings have agency and freedom. Human beings are healthiest and happiest when not boxed in by anything or anyone. Monogamy is a thick box with no windows. But it has become the main religion for the vast majority of humans living in Western society. Monogamy has turned us into possessive and dull animals. We need to get better at letting each other be free.
Zev Bauhaus 3 Minutes
Published by Zev Bauhaus