Toilet Ruminations #71

As a psychologist I have been seeking out the cause and cure for depression. Depression is such a malicious thing, which steals a person’s soul and will. I want to eradicate it. But I think I have discovered the cause of depression! Most depressions at least. The cause is a kind of loneliness. When we are always giving to others, helping others, offering advice to others, thinking about others but we get little back from others we will feel used up. When we feel used up and feel like there is no one there who is really there for us, no one whom we can really vent to, we will fall into a kind of lonely despair. “What is the point of anything?” we will think. We will feel alone and undervalued. Despair and anguish will sink in. We will wish that we just had someone who we could really talk to. Who we could really feel understood by. We give all our understanding and attention to others but there is no one we feel whom is really present for us. It is the curse of loneliness. But you must ask yourself why you engage in such people pleasing behavior? Why do you do this to yourself again and again? Most likely it is because you do not have much of your own agency. You do and say things that are more about pleasing others rather than expressing your own thoughts and feelings. You outsource your own worth to gain approval but have no foundation of who you really are. Inside you feel mostly empty because you go with the flow. You go with what you are supposed to do, what others tell you to do and this is how you get your approval. As a result there is no you inside. You remain undefined. You are defined by what others want you to do. By what you think you should do. People pleasing is the result of not having a well-defined you inside. This is why you feel used up by people pleasing. You want to play it safe. You want to be comfortable. You just take the safe path in life. The path designed for you by parents and society. You do not believe that you are able to push through the discomfort and difficulty of finding a better place for yourself other than the one prescribed for you. You don’t believe in yourself enough to stick with the things you want to do for yourself. You are afraid of almost everything as a result. Because you do not feel well defined within yourself you feel like you have little to offer that is really unique and inspiring. This is why you have a difficult time engaging in meaningful communication. There is little that inspires you enough to articulate yourself in an inspired way. So you fake it. You push it along. You try but generally feel disinterested inside. So you continue to do what you have always done. Go with the flow. Appear as being ok. Ask people how they are. Be cheerful. Be fun. Avoid conflict. Make sure all people like you. Seek your approval outside. But overtime this leaves you drained. Uninspired and with a negative outlook on life. It obviously doesn’t work but we keep doing it because it feels safe. This I believe is one of the main causes of depression. It is what keeps us down. When we avoid cultivating our own inner foundation we look towards others for approval. And when no one is there, loneliness (despair and anguish) is what sets in.

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