Toilet Ruminations #72

I am a professional shit eater. This is what I do. I continually eat the shit of other people. Is it other people’s shit or is it my own shit? This I can not completely tell. Maybe it is both. As a psychologist I must eat other people’s shit. I must do it if I want to be successful. As a teacher I must also eat other people’s shit. I eat other people’s shit all week long. This is what I get back in return for all my efforts, shit. I have been eating shit for a long time. I have been trained to eat shit. Growing up I ate my parents shit all the time. What I got back from them was shit. What I got back from friends, school and society was shit. But I was taught or conditioned to think that this shit was good. That it was normal. That it was the best I could do. I suppose in a sense most of us are conditioned to give, give, give and be happy eating the shit we get in return. To be a psychologist you must be a professional shit eater. If you have not been eating shit for a long time why would you ever want to get into this profession? If you are not good at eating shit and become a psychologist you will be very unhappy. But maybe I am not good at eating shit because I am not happy most days. But I am good at eating shit. I have been eating shit for a long time. I am just burning out on eating shit. I am struggling to continue to eat the shit and act as if I enjoy it. The truth is that what most people give back in return is shit. Unless we are paying for some service all we really know to give in return is shit. Even money could be considered giving shit. A person has to be making a certain amount of money off of people to feel like they are not eating shit. To feel like the amount they give is being returned. But those of us who give a lot but get little in return in the form of money, appreciation, attention, respect- are eating shit. I know we are taught to love eating shit. We are conditioned to think that we should be of service to other people, be kind to other people and expect little in return. Don’t expect too much. But this is bullshit. A person who gives a lot should not feel guilty about expecting more than shit in return. To be convinced that being of service without getting much in return is a noble thing is how we are made subservient and conformed. We are being conformed to eat shit. As a result less is expected of people and institutions and they can just keep giving us shit. The norm has become to give shit. People should be happy that they at least have shit to eat. To hell with this. Maybe I need to work on being less bent out of shape by the way things are. Maybe I need to just be happy with the shit I eat. I give a lot but maybe I do not deserve more. Maybe I expect too much from people who are not capable of giving more than shit. Not everyone can give like I do. I have been trained to give a lot. I grew up with a narcissistic father who needed a lot. Giving is what I have been trained to do. But the truth is that most people are so unhappy and preoccupied in their own lives that all they can give is shit. Financially they can only afford to give the bare minimum. Attention wise they have not time. They are too caught up in their own crap to give anything of substance. Maybe this is just the reality of where human beings are at in todays day and age. Judgmental, self-preoccupied, only wanting to get for themselves and capable of giving only shit. In a sense I myself am a similar way I suppose. But I do not give shit. I give much better than that. I need to learn how to stop doing this if I ever want to be happy. I deserve more in return. I deserve more success for all the hard work I have put in. I am probably expecting way too much. Who am I to expect so much from people who can only give shit?

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