Toilet Ruminations #75

But could I really do it? Could I really kidnap one of my clients and turn her into my sex slave? I don’t know. I am thinking about this too much. I am doubting myself once again. I always doubt myself. It amazes me how much I will lust after a woman but then once I masturbate I want nothing to do with a woman. I no longer have any interest in kidnapping a woman. After masturbation sanity returns to me for a bit. To kidnap someone would take a lot of work. It would take a lot of time. I am already lazy. I do not like to even work. I do not like to do anything. I just want to sit around and read and listen to my records. If I kidnap a woman and make her my sex slave this will just be more work in my life! I will have to take care of her. I will have to buy her food. I will have to make sure she is ok. It would be one more thing I would have to worry about. What if I got caught? What if something went wrong? No, I don’t know. Seems like a lot of work to kidnap a person. I want a quiet life. I do not need more to worry about. If anyone found out that I kidnapped one of my female clients my entire psychology practice would plummet. My reputation would be shot. I would lose my license. I do not know if it is worth it. Sure I am tired of eating shit. Sure I am tired of being the nice guy. Sure I am tired of all the provincialism and banality that comes along with being a middle-class medical professional, but still I don’t know. I don’t know if I am ambitious enough to kidnap a woman. What if I am not strong enough? What if my wife found out? What would she think of me? I don’t know. I am having a lot of doubt about this now. Seems like a lot of work. Do I really want to add more work to my life? I already have enough. Sure kidnapping someone would be edgy and countercultural. It would be nice to have a naked woman available to me whenever I want. I could keep her in the bathtub. I will put pillows and blankets in the bathtub. But still I do not know. I will put candles around the bathtub. Maybe a television so she can stay entertained. It will take a lot of work to set all of this up. I am not an ambitious man. I disdain work. I don’t know. I don’t know.

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