Toilet Ruminations #76

She is so beautiful. I had a client yesterday who was a young woman. 22 and so beautiful. Her face was illuminated with a sexual and youthful glow. Her hair was shiny. He body thin. She wore a sexy shirt that revealed the top part of one of her breasts. Her jeans were tight. She was very well put together. She did not look rushed. She was so incredibly beautiful. Such sexual energy emanated from her. “She would be the perfect one to kidnap.” I thought to myself. “I could over power her without difficulty. But no, I should not be thinking like this,” I told myself. She has come to see me for help. She trusts me. She opens up to me. I am her therapist. I should not betray her in this way. But she is so beautiful. We forget how beautiful young women are. Their sexual energy is so wild and free. It is so high and vibrant no matter how much they try to contain it. It is only as women grow older that their sexual energy becomes less vibrant and wild. I know many women would argue this but it is true. You can not replace the wild and vibrant sexual energy of youth. A woman gets beat down by the world. Aging takes its toll. Pressured and repressed more and more and this flattens out their sexuality. This is why I would want the woman I kidnap to be a younger woman. I want to experience that vibrant sexual energy again. I remember it in my youth. It was so alive and undomesticated. As this young lady sat on my couch and talked about all of her issues I hoped that she was not catching on to just how hot I thought she was. She talked about how she was overly reactive all the time. Easily set off emotionally and she really wanted to work on this. She wants to get her reactivity under control. She screams and yells. She freaks out when she feels disrespected. She will shut people out when she gets mad. She struggles to be able to talk about how she feels. She keeps her feelings to herself until she explodes. She has very low self-esteem. Always sees pictures of beautiful women and wonders why she does not look like that. As a result she is almost anorexic. She writes down everything she eats. She limits what she eats. She is very self-conscious about her body and other people’s bodies. God I wanted her as she talked. She looked so beautiful on my couch but I was a bit turned off by the anorexia. How could someone so sexy, someone in the prime of their beauty have so much insecurity about how they look? This world is hard on young women continually rubbing better looking women in their face. But these women are not better looking. They have just taken and manipulated a better picture. All these young women comparing themselves to these fabricated pictures. I told her this. She agreed. We talked about it. I wished that her shirt would fall just a few inches lower so that I could see her breast. How youthful and ripe her breasts must be. I thought about how I would abduct her. Would I tie her up as she was about to leave my office? Would I jump on her and handcuff her, gag her and then put her in my car and take her to my house? I saw myself abducting her in different ways. I wanted to see her naked. I wanted to touch her body. I told myself that if I kidnapped her now I could have her tonight. But then I would tell myself to not think like this. To knock it off. To go masturbate and then I would feel relieved. But she is so beautiful. If I was to kidnap anyone it would be her. The only drawback is that she uses the word “like” way too much. Every other word is “like.” “Like,” “like,” “like.” This is a turn off. It is a sign of lesser intelligence and I do like the women I am sexual with to be intelligent. If I kidnap her I will have to find a way to keep her from talking so much.

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