Toilet Ruminations #78

I am in such need of stimulation! Not just any kind of stimulation. Not the kind of stimulation that you would get from a cup of coffee but the kind of stimulation you get from doings things that are illegal and taboo. I need this! Do you know how dull it can feel to be married to someone and live with then for a long time? Do you know how banal it can feel to be stuck in domestic routines? Do you know how dull it can be to be a professional? To live a middle-class, suburban life? Do you know how understimulating it can be to listen to other people talk about their banal problems all week? Do you know how boring it can be to have to come off as credible and respectable? This married, professional, respectable life can be so incredibly dull. They do not tell you this in high school. I try to make the best of it. I collect books and records. I try to keep myself stimulated but it is not without disappointment. You see the legal and the respectable is dull by its very nature! It is conformist. Most people are doing it in a very similar way. I mean how fun can it be for an ant who is marching in a line with thousands of other ants? This is what respectable, legal society is like. It is the ant who deviates away from the line who is having the most fun. Most of us respectable people are drowning in our own boredom. We have to work more to avoid it. We have to keep busy to not feel it. Our spirit is only as animated to the degree we engage in things that are outside the norm. The norm (respectability) dulls the spirit. This is why I disdain the law. That which is legal turns us into conformist dullards drowning in our own boredom. Everyone is doing it. How boring. I need that which is illegal! That which is taboo! Indecent exposure. Stealing. Kidnapping. It is only through doing things that are illegal and taboo that a person can feel more animated. That which is illegal and taboo is that which has the power to reanimate us. But most would rather not take the risk. I work with people all week who are really suffering from legal, respectable society. Their depressions and anxieties are a direct result of how normal they are. How within the law they live their lives. I crave illegal stimulation. I need it in the same way I need food. Without it I grow bitter and depressed. I feel as if I am wasting away.

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