Toilet Ruminations #79

What can I say? I am thinking that I need to work on being more positive. Could I be a positive kidnapper? I realize that I am immensely negative. I naturally tilt towards the negative. I feel as if negativity is a more honest response to the realities of living and life. But maybe I am wrong. Maybe a positive response to living and life would be more ideal. I hear many say that a positive state is more conducive to health and well-being. Certainly depression, anger, anxiety and general unhappiness do not feel good but I am not convinced that they detract from well-being. It seems acceptable to think that positivity is conducive to health and negativity is conducive to disease. This could be correct but I doubt it. Positivity can be the snake oil of our time. Once it was potions and elixirs and now it could be positive states of mind. I am apprehensive about positivity. To be positive I feel I would have to become disingenuous. Something that is not I. But who knows. Maybe this is an inaccurate speculation. A deviation into paranoid thinking. Maybe as a positive thinker I would be just fine, still retaining the best aspects of myself. But negativity has its charms. One can exist in a negative state and still be closer to health than a person in a positive state. When negativity is not dwelled in, ruminated upon it can be quite a beautiful and logical thing. The problem is that most people do not know how to be negative without being confined to their beds for the day. Now you could make the case that I confine myself in this bathroom, on this toilet and my retreat from the world is the result of a disillusioned and negative state of mind. These toilet ruminations could be the result of an unhealthy mind because most of what I articulate is negative. But I find these toilet ruminations of mine to be a healthy activity. Equally as healthy as someone chanting mantras in yoga class. But it is true that I often feel dissatisfied and stressed out. Maybe a more positive state of mind would put me more at ease. It is a frightening prospect to become more positive. I feel that I will lose the more vital and interesting aspects of myself. I suppose some sort of middle path is called for. To be a kind of depressive positivist. A negative optimist. An unhappy socialist. An angry smilist. I don’t know what I am saying at this point. I don’t know how a person could combine polar opposites. This is what I would have to figure out because being positive most of the time sounds like drudgery to me. What a burden to have to fake it so much. To have to become so severed from the sobering realities of life. Few positivists are being real with themselves. But many negativists are causing themselves immense duress I am sure. I will try to look on the brighter side of things for the rest of the day. Try it on. See how it fits. I could become a positive kidnapper. Maybe this will put my victim more at ease when I tell them that everything is ok, to be happy, to not get so down all the time. Maybe they would feel more relaxed if I smiled more. Something to consider.

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