Toilet Ruminations #82

I have gone into seclusion mode. I have withdrawn from the terrible world of other people. I have taken my marijuana, my marijuana pipe, matches, three records, two books, a drawing pad and gone into seclusion mode. My whereabouts are unknown. For the rest of the day no human will be able to reach me. I am disappearing from the sick human world. I no longer want to play a part. I no longer want to interact with these sick and malevolent creatures. I am getting stoned and getting gone. Wherever humans are there is nothing but problems. Hurt feelings and banal thoughts. Difficult problems and trivialities. Anxiety and resentment. Few humans approve of one another even though many pretend to. Most humans want what is worse for the other even though they do not admit this to themselves. A wretched creature we are. I have gone into seclusion mode. I will get stoned and gone. I will deviate deeply away from other people realms. I will listen to records. I will read. I will rest. I will come as close to disappearing as anyone can. I will turn off the actor in me. I will no longer feel guilty for being what I am not. I will no longer live up to any external expectations. I will answer to no one. Not even myself. I will be free from human preoccupations. I will no longer been entangled in their law-abiding world of mediocrity. I will be too stoned for these trivialities. I will be too far gone. I will be free to be myself. But who is myself? What am I? I do not think I really know. Maybe I am not who I think I am? Maybe there are many aspects to who I am? I do not think I have a firm grasp on who I am but I know that I am not that actor who shows up when around other people. I know that guy is just working hard to be liked. To be accepted. To make an honest buck. To be someone else other than that which I am. But I have gone into seclusion mode now. Now none of that matters. What I look like does not matter. The fact that I am not smiling does not matter. I can now live a life of the mind. I life deep in my imagination. I can be free from all rules and regulations. Stoned and naked in my seclusion mode. No one can get to me. My phone is off. There are no thoughts about needing to kidnap someone now. No thoughts about needing to turn a young woman into my sex slave. Kidnapping sounds like a burden to me at the moment. It would be nice to have a naked young woman around but if I kidnapped someone I would have to worry about them. I would have to take care of them. I would not be able to go into seclusion mode. To kidnap is to be burdened. To be in seclusion mode is to be unburned of all worldly worries. No other people. No sick society. No bills. No solicitors. No customers. No ambitions. No pursuits. No trivialities. No nothing. Just an absence where I am free to exist in my own world. A world free from all external preoccupations. The only problem I have now is that I forgot to bring water.

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