Toilet Ruminations #85

My wife will become very defensive if I talk with her about it. She does not understand that it is all in the approach. All in the energy behind action. She will say, “But I try to come onto you and you push me away.” “You are not very interested in me.” My wife has lovers. She gets her sexual desires met. She is a woman. It is easier for her. My sexual desires remain unmet most of the time. It is not for no reason that I want to kidnap a woman and make her my sex slave. My wife shows little interest in me sexually. It can be quite frustrating. Outside of the naked approaches before bedtime (which I have told her is not the best time for me since I am very tired) any kind of sexual energy from her is dormant. Before bed she will at times ask me if I would like sex. Or if I would like oral sex. She will be standing there naked asking me as if she was some waitress taking my order. Just like a waitress I can feel how interested she is in taking my order. There is shyness to her approach. Restrained. A hesitation. I am not often drawn towards shy and hesitant women. I understand that she feels like she does not want to piss me off but I need a woman who does not care. I need a woman to be harsh with me. To shock me from my slumber. To take a direct approach. To be scandalous and forceful. I want her to take what she wants even if I say no and get mad. I want there to be a fight. A struggle. I want to lose the struggle. But my wife is so nice, and kind and polite standing there in the nude, before bed, asking me if I would like any sexual favors. I appreciate her efforts but it feels very domestic. My wife is a kind lady. She would do anything for me. But she is also selfish and can lose genuine interest in what I am feeling. I suppose I do the same with her. The sexual energy coming from her towards me is not there. It is unfortunate. It is inevitable in a marriage but I thought she was a different type. There was a time when she was very sexual towards me at all hours of the day but I can see why that would wear away. It used to be hardcore porn between us but now it is very uneventful. I suppose we are both underwhelmed by one another. She and I will be sitting naked in the garden and there will be zero sexual energy coming from her. I need a woman who can just start playing with herself. Who comes over to me and urinates on my face. Who grabs my private parts without asking. Who talks dirty to me and takes full control. Who is not shy in the least. Who has a very foul mouth. Who would never want her lovers sexual desires to be unfulfilled. Maybe this is asking too much. Maybe I am a jerk for wanting this. I am not this way myself. I am also sexually refrained towards her. I do not say or do much. I do not take control. My wife does not take control. So we have a dull sex life. She gets her sexual desires fulfilled elsewhere. Fine. The only interesting part of our sex life is when we do things with other people. Getting her to do things with other people is like pulling nails out of wood. It takes real effort and energy. I want her to do it on her own. I want her to want sex most of the time. I want her to seek out her own sexual adventures, take photos and video and tell me all about it. I want her to make deviant plans for us because she is so consumed by her next sexual adventure. I want her to be a sexual animal. But she is lazy when it comes to sex. Not much energy or interest. At least this is how it is with me. Maybe it is different for her elsewhere. She used to give me oral sex while driving all the time. She used to crave my genitals while I was driving. All good things fade. She has lost interest. There is too much resentful water under the bridge. She is too timid now. It is not appealing. But wanting to change someone is insanity. Wanting her to be what she is not willing to be only causes aggravation between us. But I have a hearty sexual drive. I am just starting to feel comfortable with my deviant sexuality. Only took four decades. I know what I want and do not want. There are things that I desire, which continually go unfulfilled. I myself need to take more action to fulfill these desires. I need to be less dependent on her. I need to give up on her. She pays more attention to her small dog than she does to me. She gives that dog much more affection than she could ever give to me. I should let her be with her small dog and take more action to fulfill my own sexual desires. This is what I need to do. I need to stop waiting for her. Stop forcing her. Stop wanting her to be what she no longer is. Accept this. Now take matters into your own hands so that these desires are not continually left unfulfilled. So you are not always angry. Take responsibility for yourself. You could do this with you wife. You could take control of your sex life with her. But I suppose I am too shy to take what I want. To say what I want. I am too disdainful towards her for showing little interest in me. I am sure she is disdainful towards me for showing little interest in her. I must take matters into my own hands. It is painful to be left with unfulfilled sexual desires. I must kidnap someone. This may be the only way I can get my desires fulfilled without having to spend a lot of money. This week I will do it.

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