Toilet Ruminations #86

My wife slept with her 19-year-old lover again last night. It must have been intense and deviant sex since when she came home around midnight she took a long shower. I can not say I fully understand it. I do not know what to make of it. She is a grown woman. Is it a result of insecurity? Is it low self-confidence? Is it the fear that she will be rejected by someone older and more accomplished? She says it is just a kink. A kink for younger boys. But a kink is never just a kink. I have a kink as well. I like to watch other people, especially my wife, have sex. But this is probably because I am too afraid or shy to really engage myself. I have always been a quick ejaculator. It is embarrassing. So I think I prefer to stand on the sidelines instead. Easier that way. A kink is never just a kink. Something is always going on underneath. Is my wife a pedophile? Or is she just really afraid of men more her age. If a man is really good-looking, strong and successful maybe she fears rejection. She fears she will not be good enough. She is too insecure. So it is easier to stick with the kids. She can have more power this way. I understand. I understand that younger people can be sexualy attractive. They can be desirable. They are still young, innocent, fit and filled with all sorts of delusional idealisms. But an older person is preying upon these things. They are vampiric in their desires. They want it for a reason. If an older person is sexually interested in a younger person it is usually so that they can exploit them sexually. I understand. This is what I want to do if I kidnap someone. I want to kidnap someone much younger than myself and exploit them sexually. So I can not blame my wife. I understand. But it is strange. A potential kidnapper and a pedophile living together under one roof.

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