Toilet Ruminations #90

In an effort to figure myself out I am reading Carl Jung. I would like to read all of Carl Jung. Everything he has written. But my attention span is beat up and abused. It is barly capable of carrying books let alone reading them. My intellectual acumen has grown limp. Not unlike my sexual organ. The weight of Carl Jung is massive. Reading and understanding him is like carrying a box filled with bricks. I will take it page by page. There is so much to understand about the way the mind works. I have already learned many things I did not know. Most of our thinking is heading in wrong directions. Directions that make us dumb and weak. Reading someone like Jung puts thinking in the right direction. Reading Jung lets me have a bit more clarity about the machinations of my mind. In the loss of my attention span I have also lost my mind. My inability to focus has led me close to madness. I blame my smartphone for this. I am attempting to bring myself back. To work things out within my brain. To rebuild my attention span. Re-erect it from the rubble. I don’t want to kidnap anyone. It would be nice to have my own naked sex slave but I do not want to be responsible for traumatizing someone else in this way. I got close to kidnapping someone. What was I thinking? I was desperate. Desperate for what? Desperate to escape my own restlessness and boredom. My own loneliness. If I kidnapped a sexy young lady I could have sexual fun. I could keep her naked. I could have someone to talk with. I could not feel so alone. I would finally have a younger girlfriend. But this is crazy thinking! How could I even let myself go there? How could I even think that kidnapping a young woman and keeping her in my bathtub would make her my girlfriend? Are you nuts? I do not understand the machinations of my own mind. I do not understand why I think about the things I think about. Why I am the way I am. As a psychologist it’s my responsibility to know myself more completly than most. I have spent a lifetime trying to get away from Jung. He is difficult to understand and not a lot of fun to read. He is work. But now I am facing Jung. Now I need to get my thinking heading in the right direction and away from this nonsense about needing to kidnap someone. It sure would be nice to have my own naked sex slave though. To have someone to talk with. What is wrong with me!? Get off the toilet. Go do something.

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