Toilet Ruminations #93

I once wished for spiritual enlightenment. Freedom from my terrible ego. Now I wish for some sort of payback. Some sort of revenge. I want to kidnap this young woman. I want to make her mine. I have been severely humiliated by my wife. Some of it my own doing. My wife cheated on me in the worst possible way. A year-long affair with one of my psychology students. Going behind my back in the most devious ways. She continues to sleep with this kid. She remains infatuated with him. I allow it. I try to be turned on by it. At times I am. She has sex with another man as well. Both she has had sex with without condoms despite knowing that I would be very upset by this. How humiliating. But I continue to let her sleep with these young men. Last night she brought a young man home and they had deviant sex in our living room. Went at it like horny animals. I knew she would do it. I knew she would not care that I seemed down and depressed before she left for the evening. She is selfish and only cares about her voracious sexual appetites. My wife is a professional. Her greatest skill is her ability to be sexual. She is incredibly good at it and fun to watch. It is like watching live pornography with a porn actress who is really good and into what she is doing. A fine art. But it still bothers me. I still feel hurt, humiliated and betrayed by her. The common term for someone like myself is Cuck. I have been cuckolded by my wife. Cuckoldry is deprived from the name of the cuckoo bird. Some female cuckoos change male partners and lay their eggs in other nests- a humiliating act of betrayal. This is analogous to the situation of a man who has unknowingly been cheated on by a woman. Every since I found out about her affair I have been feeling humiliated. My self-esteem, in the toilet. I have turned this into a kink. Wanting her to keep sleeping with other men so I can feel humiliated. And being the slut that she is she obliges. But I do not like it. It feels terrible. I keep letting her do it even though it makes me want revenge. It makes me feel terribly betrayed and angry at her. Hurt and afraid. So I will kidnap this young girl and make her my sex slave. I can not kidnap my wife. Wait. Could I kidnap my wife? Maybe I should kidnap my wife. Now here is an idea. I have a psychotherapy session with this young girl today. At 4. Maybe I should abstain from kidnapping her. She is so young and hot though. I would love to have her as my sex slave. To hell with my wife. But maybe I should kidnap my wife. Gag her to keep her from talking. This would be wonderful. Every word my wife says sounds like an annoying lie or rationalization. She could not tell the truth about her motivations and feelings if she tried. She refuses to take responsibility and instead yaps away. It would be great to be able to shut her up. To tie her up and gag her while keeping her in the nude in my bathtub. I could subject her to immense humiliation. Pee on her. Orgasm on her. Bring men over to have sex with her. Subject her to the worst kinds of humiliation. This would be a lot of fun for me. Then maybe things could feel evened out. It is true- I do feel very humiliated by her. She has taken things too far. The only way to feel like the playing field in leveled is to humiliate her. Humiliate her twice as much as she has humiliated me. She has turned me into a cuckold. A cuck. A submissive bird. And she still gets off. She is still having her fun. She continues to humiliate me and get off on it. She is not able to see how much pleasure she derives from humiliating me. It turns her on to put me through such agony. She has a sick and deviant sexuality that she is unwilling to be fully open or knowledgable about. I can’t stand these types. Maybe this is what I will do. I will kidnap my wife. To hell with spiritual enlightenment. To hell with transcending my ego. This is how I will find my enlightenment. this is how I will earn my self-esteem back. This is how I can begin to feel better about myself. This is how I can begin to heal and get back into my own life. This is how I can get my dignity back. The bitch is getting off on keeping me humiliated and down. Keeping me her submissive possession. Could you imagine if I was caught? It would be all over the news. Successful Psychologist Kidnaps Wife And Subjects Her To Worst Forms Of Humiliation. I can not get caught. I will kidnap her. Humiliate her and then disappear. This is the solution I have been searching for. This is why I have engaged in all these toilet ruminations. To get to this point. Endless rumination pays off at some point. Where would I disappear to? I have always wanted to live in Copenhagen. I could sell the house I bought and move far away. Just me and my dignity.

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