Toilet Ruminations #95

A couch has many practical uses. It can be used to nap on. It can be used to sit on and contemplate the things that are going wrong in your life and then try to find strategies to fix these things. A couch can be a nice place to drink coffee or tea. On a couch you can talk with your friends or children or partner. A couch is a good place to have sex. You can have sex in various positions while on a couch. A couch allows sex to remain distant and detached. A couch does not share the intimacy of a bed. A couch is a good place to sit and scroll the day away on your phone. On a couch you can leave behind all of the worries of the world and just sit and look out the window. A couch is a good place for meditation. On a couch you can talk on the phone. A couch can be a comfortable place to watch a film. I realize that most people do not watch films anymore. They watch movies. Movies are dumbed down versions of film made for people with shortened attention spans. A couch is an ideal place to read a book. A person just needs ideal lighting to be comfortable reading a book while sitting on a couch. Because of the large size of a couch people will often neglect setting up ideal spaces for reading. If a couch is going to be comfortably used for reading a person should have a reading light set up in a designated spot for reading. If a person reads without good lighting they will not be able to read for long. A couch is a good place for getting a divorce. A married couple can comfortably and privately discuss divorce while sitting on a couch. A couch can be a good place to be lazy. A person does not have to do anything while sitting on a couch. They can just spread themselves out and look like the unattractive beached whale that they are. A couch is a good place to give up on good posture and let oneself go. A couch is also a good place for a person to quietly write in a journal, recording inner thoughts and feelings on pieces of paper. Of course we know that journal writing is a superior form of self-indulgence. Journal writing perpetuates the obsession with ones own ego but this has been scientifically proven to have some good end results. You would not want to use a couch to eat on unless you want your couch to gradually look like a poor person’s couch. Couches are especially good to have oral sex on since they allow both parties to find comfortable padding. Just avoid getting sperm or vaginal discharge on the couch because this can leave permanent spotting and cause the couch to look very seedy. Couches can be used to hang out with cats or dogs on but I would recommend against this. Animals do not care about couches and they will eventually cause the couch to be in worse shape. Couches are great places to be on-line. A person can feel comfortable while surfing the internet and wasting their lives. Couches can be a good place to put on and take off your shoes. Couches can also serve as a great place to sleep when you do not want to sleep with your partner or lover. Couches can be especially nice places to draw and listen to records. Few pleasures are greater than sitting on a couch, drawing and listening to records. Idiots travel the world searching for this kind of satisfying pleasure. We run around all over the place in search of pleasure not realizing the plethora of pleasures that are to be found sitting on a couch.

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