The Concept Of Loneliness

This concept of loneliness has a way of sticking in our heads. It finds a way in, normally through the ears, mouth or eyes. And then like a tumor, this concept lodges itself in place.

What does this concept of loneliness tell us about ourselves? Like sound refusing to shut off, it continually imbibes within us a sense of isolation and aloneness. There is often an accompanying sense of despair. A kind of heavy burden following us around. A machination of incompletion.

The concept of loneliness says, “I want to fit in. I want to be desired by other people. I want to be liked and then I will feel less alone.” The concept of loneliness tells us, “Because I feel alone I am not desired or liked by others. Other people do not care about me because I feel alone. Because I feel alone I must be doing something wrong. I am obviously fucking up in my life, failing, and this is why I feel alone. If I could be successful at something then I would not feel alone.”

The concept of loneliness tells us that it is because we are not successful in our lives that we feel alone. By not successful I mean: Not rich enough, not liked enough on social media, not attractive enough, not in good enough physical condition, not smart enough, not happy enough, and on and on. When we feel not good enough we feel alone. Even people whom we think of as very successful can still be annihilated by the concept of loneliness.

The concept of loneliness thrives upon this need for recognition and approval. The concept of loneliness has flourished since the invention of social media. When we do not receive the amount of likes we feel we deserve or want on Instagram or Facebook the concept of loneliness overcomes us. It is all the proof our brain needs to remind us that we are pieces of shit. That what we are doing is no good. That how we look is unsuccessful. We try to ignore the concept of loneliness but it is there. It lingers like anything else that is toxic would linger in us. This is why I recommend we all get off social media. Or drastically limit our use. It is toxic. It is dangerous. It causes us to feel all alone.

Why is it that we can not just be content in our aloneness? Don’t we see this is the answer to the equation?  Why do we need more? Why are we unsatisfied, continually, with the way things are? Why are we always striving to be more than what we are now? The concept of loneliness fills us with a false belief: When I achieve success in the world then I will feel no longer alone. Well, if this were true Chris Cornell would still be alive.

To eradicate the concept of loneliness we must get better at being fundamentally satisfied with where we are at now. We must feel satisfied with reading that book or going for that walk without feeling pulled to do things that will eventually liberate us from our feelings of aloneness. We need to realize that the only way to be liberated from feelings of aloneness is to stop trying to eradicate these feelings by reaching outside of ourselves. By striving for appreciation, recognition and likes we only feel more lonely.

The world does not owe any of us shit. To get upset because we are not receiving the attention we feel we deserve is to expect the world to give you something. To continually devalue what you are doing because it is not valued, recognized or appreciate by other people is the quick path to loneliness. The important point here is to take responsibility for how you want to feel. To not put this responsibility in other people’s hands. If you feel alone it is only because you believe that the world owes you something. Move out of this head space and the concept of loneliness starts to recede.

Yes, we all want what we do to be appreciated by other people. It is natural too feel that if people do not appreciate what you are doing it is no good. If you do not get many likes on Instagram it is easy to feel alone or ugly or both. It is easy to feel like what you are doing does not matter. This is the concept of loneliness whispering in your ears. The truth is that whatever you do matters only if it fulfills you. It is the doing of it that makes you feel less alone. It is the doing of it that makes you feel successful. Some of the most successful people in the world just do the things they like everyday. They could care less what you think. The moment you need other people’s approval or validation for whatever it is you do- you will feel all alone.


Toilet Ruminations #98

Well shit. I have not been ruminating as much recently. I mean I have been ruminating but not on my toilet seat. I have been ruminating in other places. Park benches, my car, the shower, my couch, the sun chair in my backyard. It feels good to get back to the toilet seat but all the ruminating I did here caused me to nearly lose my mind. I mean I was thinking about kidnapping and all sorts of other outlandish things! I am doing fine now. I am still completely confused about my life. I really have no idea what I am doing with my life and I am almost fifty years old! I feel as if I am not the one living my life. I am in no way fulfilling the potential I know I could fill if I really tried. Instead I play it safe. I go with the flow. I do what is easiest. I take whatever comes my way. I do not steer my own ship in the direction I want it to go. I am not capable of this. Too much fear. Too much laziness. Too much self-doubt. So I conform myself to the status quo. Within the status quo I try to act like I am different. I try and make statements and be original in various ways, but I am like every other shmuck who conforms himself to the status quo. My efforts at originality and non-conformity are minor at best. They probably even hurt me more than they help me. Any attempts at originality when living within the status quo usually backfire and work against the person who was hoping to be different. No one within the status quo wants to be made aware of their conformity and unoriginality so the moment someone reminds them of it they will shut him down. Judge him. Discard him. See him as untrustworthy and troubled. So I don’t push the limits too much but I do so more than I should. I am stuck in this suburban, status quo world and I try to do the best I can to make the best of it. But I am normally pissed off. I know this lifestyle is not for me but I try and convince myself it is. I spend much time alone since I have little in common with anyone. I really am stuck. I have failed to create the kind of life I want. I don’t know what to do other than to try and make the best of what I have. Embrace it. What else can I do? I have no other options. You would not believe how lonely it feels when you live in the status quo suburbs but you feel like you have nothing in common with the world around you. Even my own wife is an exile to me. I have little I share in common with her. I feel like we live on different planets. I don’t have much to say to her and most of my communications are done on Instagram or in my head. I am not happy with things as they are but frustration and isolation just feed upon themselves and force you deeper within. You create your own world inside the nutshell of your head. But I wish I spent more time in this nutshell fantasy world but most of my thoughts are about how fucked up everything is. How upset I am with wife. How bothered I am by job. How I don’t know what I am doing with my life. How I feel so alone. So much time wasted thinking such mundane thoughts. Is this what isolation, marriage and the suburbs does to a man? Are there any hot girls out there who can save me? I am not sure what to do so I ruminate, I drink vodka, I smoke weed, I read books, I write, I draw. Like a cat stuck in a cage scratching at itself.