Self Authoring #1

Fault: Pursue too many activities at the same time

Please write a short story (approximately 1,000 characters) about a time in your life when this fault created a situation that had a negative impact on your life.

I think this applies to every single period of my life. Currently it applies and has applied for as long as I can remember. I am interested in too much and as a result do not get much of anything done. How is it effecting me now? It probably overwhelms me. It causes me to just stay with the status quo. I do work that I do not really want to do for money. I am not focused on any one thing enough to be successful. I am scattered. I have opportunities now. I could do many things. But I can not commit to anything because I have too much I am interested in. so I do everything I do half ass and nothing succeeds. I just crawl along in a sense. I try to ignore this and just have fun. Distract myself. Just hang out. Get preoccupied by drama and stupid shit. Pursue various addictions. I figure that since I can’t really focus on anything and am interested in so many different things I mine as well just do nothing or little or do what I want to do when I do it. I just oscillate between so many things that I never am able to thrive at one thing. It is frustrating. Keeps me irritable. Keeps me distracted and caught up in stuff like cleaning or relationship drama or just wasting time. I just am interested in too much. Listening to music, being a novelist, blogging, being a successful meditation teacher, making experimental music, writing essays and short stories, drawing, Instagram, reading literature, running my own business. Just too much going on and I am always trying to escape this reality I think.

 

Fault: Pursue too many activities at the same time

Write a short paragraph about what you might have done differently in that situation, to minimize the effect of this fault.

I have not wrote about a particular situation. It is even incredibly difficult for me to stick to any kind of direction. But let me write about my current situation specifically. What could I do differently? Give things up. Focus on one thing at a time. Stop being preoccupied by bullshit. Work on becoming more emotionally stable. Make choices. Give certain things up. Focus. Make choices. Give certain things ups. Focus. Focus. Become more emotionally stable. Let go of certain things. Maybe get out of a relationship that causes me too much emotional instability. If I can not find emotional stability in this relationship to leave. To get a divorce. To get myself to a more stable place where I can focus. But I am terrified of being alone. I am terrified of missing my wife. Of letting her go. But need to get myself into a situation where I can stick to a regular routine and schedule. Where I can have less drama. To be less fearful. To do what is best for me knowing who I am rather than hoping I get better. Hoping things change. Its hard though because there are certain things I like about current situation. But shit has got to change. Can not keep going on like this.

 

Fault: Pursue too many activities at the same time

Now that you’ve thought about how you might have behaved differently in that particular situation, please think about this fault in more general terms. How could you work on improving this fault in general, so that such situations do not repeat themselves?

Well I think I have already spoken to this. Am I doing this exercise wrong? Am I being too general. How can I behave differently in my current situation? How can I improve on this fault in general so my current situation does not repeat itself? I need to focus. I need to select one or two interests and stick to just them. read one book at a time. Work on one project at a time. I need to have a routine that I stick to. I need to get in a relationship that helps me maintain this routine or get out of current relationship and be on my own. Need to become better at being on my own. Be less dependent. Really need to focus on just a few things. Structure my life in a way that supports my ability to focus. Eat well. Don’t drink much. Sleep well. Stay focused. Don’t know what else to say. Maybe I should also seek out help for my sex addiction. Maybe this will help me to get things under some kind of control. Things feel like a wild emotional mess right now and I really don’t like it. What else can I say? Focus, be in a relationship that supports this or leave, routine, eat well, rest, meditate……

 

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