My Collected Dating App Bios #1

My name is Zev Afferdy. I am looking to have a good time with a lady. I prefer that she is young and not yet drooping. I am introverted but good to have conversations with. I dress well and take care of myself. I am highly intellectual and enjoy activities like reading, writing, listening to music, drawing and painting. I am not interested in sports or women who wear hats. Interested?

 

 

I am a married man in a polyamorous relationship. My wife has two boyfriends and I do not have any girlfriends. This causes me to often be left at home alone while my wife is out having sex with other men. This causes me to feel very jealous and angry. I also feel embarrassed that I cannot get anyone. Makes me look bad but I try to play it off as if I was not interested in dating other women. But this is not true. I would love to date and have sex with another woman. If you are interested in helping me level out the playing field with my wife, please swipe right.

 

Have you heard about the summer camp for introverts? Neither have I because no one showed up. I actually made that joke up. I have made up other jokes. I am a funny guy in a weird way. My humor is not normal or typical. My humor is strange and perverted. I only find really fucked up or unusual things funny. I guess you could say my humor is dark. “Jack Ass” is one of the few shows that I have watched where I lost control of my laughter. Another was “Borat.” And the first “Pink Panther.” We will have a fun time.

 

Hi there. I am looking for a very attractive younger woman to have fun with. I know that I am almost 47 but I still look good for my age and am young at heart. You will be safe with me. I do not have a violent bone in my body. I trap bugs in glasses and then set them free outside. I am a writer, cartoonist, painter, meditation teacher, mindfulness counselor and retired psychotherapist. Yes, I am confused about what I do and who I am. Ideally I would just like to write and draw full-time but this has not happened for me yet. Interested?

 

Want to let me buy you a drink? We could meet and then come back to my home and talk and listen to records. I will turn my fireplace on and we can just hang out and chill. Interested?

 

I am going to be honest- I am on here because I want to have sex. I would like to have sex with an attractive young lady. I am not interested in a serious relationship. Something casual where we can have sex a few times a week. I am very perverted and like kinky sex. Are you interested or are you just like all the other uptight and shame-ridden prudes on here?

 

Hi. My name is Zev Afferdy. Obviously that is not my real name. I will tell you my real name when we meet. I am a very cool guy. I like reading, listening to weird music, writing fictional stories and drawing. I am introverted. I don’t really like hanging out with people if they don’t not have anything interesting and deep to say. It is just a waste of time if we are not going to have intelligent conversations. I would rather be alone and lost in my head. Want to hang out sometime?

 

Hello there. I am a mindfulness based counselor, a meditation instructor and a writer. I own my own business and make a good amount of money each week. I am financially independent but have a good amount of debt. But you don’t have to worry about that since I am not wanting anything serious with you. I am just looking for a nice time. I will show you how to meditate. Interested?

 

Few things are better than looking at an attractive women with no clothes on. I really enjoy doing this and was on this dating app hoping to meet a woman who wants to take off her clothes and have sex with me. I like women who are slutty. Shy women are a turn off for me. I like a woman who is confident in the nude. None of this, “but I am fat”  “please turn off the lights” crap. If you are this kind of girl swipe left.

 

Looking for a lovely lady to casually date. Nothing serious. I am a fun guy to hang out with. I will not harm you. I am interested in more solitary activities. I hate sports and I hate 99% of people who like sports. These people are ruining the world as far as I am concerned. I read too much and listen to a lot of records. I would like to make a living as an absurdist writer but this has not happened for me yet. So I have to submit and make my money in other ways. I am financially independent and own a nice home. Want to come over?

 

Look, I don’t want any trouble. I just want to meet a lovely young woman whom I can have a sexual relationship with. I can remain emotionally independent. I just want to hang out, have fun, talk and have sex. Is this too much to ask for? Why are there so many prudes out there who are not interested in hook-ups? If you can’t enjoy hook-ups what is the point of life? I would like to find a woman who is ok with weekly hook-ups. This is all I ask for.

 

I am an anarchist, omnivore, anxious, worried, hypochondriac, intellectual, introverted, solitary, isolated, well-dressed, handsome, horny, perverted, considerate and kind human being. As you can tell I am also very honest. I am starving for intellectual and sexual stimulation. Will you feed me?

 

A few things you should know about me: I often drink too much coffee and freak out. I am better when I am stoned and I am stoned most hours of each day. I worry a lot about things that I do not know why I worry about. I am in a polyamorous marriage with a woman who has sex with a lot of guys and is very slutty, deceptive and deviant. I often feel alone but this is not my wife’s fault, I am just a lonely man. I want to make a living as a fiction writer but have accepted this may never happen. I probably will not like you but I will pretend to like you anyways. I really just want your body, I am not that interested in your mind. I am a pervert and frequently hang out at strip clubs. I like whores. Interested?

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