Toilet Rumination #107

How long do coughs and congestion last from a cold or flu? To what degree does a person need to protect themselves when in a relationship with a person with bi-polar disorder, especially when this person is unwilling to seek treatment for bi-polar disorder? How often should I exercise? Why do I read so much? Is there a way that I will ever complete the novels that I want to complete writing? How does one start a new life in middle-age? Is it wrong to lack a happy social life? Where does all this coffee I drink go? Why don’t I embrace new artistic practices, such as the decalcomania technique that surrealists often used? Do I really need to be reading a novel as disturbing as J.G Ballard’s “Crash?” How good am I really at self-care? At what point should I buy new converse shoes and throw away the ones I have? Whose right is it to tell me what to do anyways? Where has my interest in style gone? To what degree is boiling water bad for me? Where is it that I expect I will find things I am looking for? Is it healthy to be married to someone who is in a sexual relationship with someone else and often does not think about consequences of certain decisions made while with this person? At what point can we legitimately claim that another person is out of control? Why am I more willing, much more willing, to drive for thirteen hours rather than flying for two? Do magazines really exist which could make me feel better about the life I am living? At what point is my use of sex and sexuality simply an effort to do something interesting in my bored life? Why do I often feel not that different from a potted plant? For what reason do I continue to be friendly and nice to people who obviously harshly judge me? At what point can I trust my intuition about other people’s motivations and feelings? How come I keep avoiding my desk? Why is it that I would rather read than be doing anything else? Is there something wrong in my relationship or in my mind that causes me to often not feel sexual? At what point is too much sex and at what point is too much sex causing life to become chaotic and disorganized? Is the individual the most qualified to have the final word on their own mental state? Where is my ability to escape from things that are not good for me? Is it ok that I eat so much bread? Why can’t I get myself to go to the market more often and keep a regular supply of fruits and vegetables in my house? Why is it that I buy a lot of records but do not listen much to them? Is technology destroying my attention span and mental health? Is this idea of subjecting myself to cold a bad idea? Why am I only able to be aroused by that which is not loving towards me? Will all the art I have made end up in the trash? Should I drink a few beers today or remain free from poisonous alcohol? Is there a good time for anything? Is it healthy that I remain interested in someone because that someone is not interested in me in the same way? Do I try too hard in relationships? Is it wrong to want your wife to be a hooker while still expecting her to be a healthy partner person? Is there any value to be found in art anymore? At what point is my reading of books an addiction, which is having a negative effect on my life. Is it ok that my parents really show little interest in anyone but themselves? How much snow exposure is good for a person? How often should someone be exposed to higher elevations? At what point are spiritually inclined people rolling around in their own bullshit? Am I better off remaining divorced from any specific belief system? Are those who don’t ask questions better off? Is my dog more mentally stable and healthy than I am? Should I be eating more meat and butter and eggs? Is it a poor choice to drink strong coffee in the morning and not eat much till noon? Should I be going for a walk right when I wake up every morning? Am I better off physically and emotionally when not in a relationship? What is it about me that remains in relationship with those who have harmed me in the past? Is my iPhone addiction destroying my life? Is other people’s iPhone addictions causing me to feel alone? Why can’t I motivate myself to go to the farmer’s market and get the food I need? Do I really need to avoid the outside world so much so that I am willing to forgo having the healthy food I need in order to avoid interactions with other people? At what point will I find peace in my life? Is peace possible for me in current conditions? Is it naive to seek peace from life as it is naive to seek stability from a person with untreated borderline personality disorder?  Is my brain what is making all of this so difficult or are there other organs involved?

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