Toilet Rumination #109

Yes, I am judgmental as all hell. My judgement is sharp, very sharp. I cut through crap with my sharp judgement. I thought you knew this about me? I don’t know why it comes as such a surprise that I think most of the things people are interested in is absolute crap. That most of people’s interests makes me violently mad. That I have nothing but bitter contempt towards most things. I thought you knew this about me? Why are you so surprised when it is directed at you? You should know better than to bring such banal and crap-filled interests around me. You should be more careful what you become interested in because you know that if you let yourself give in to all the absolute crap, I will cut you from time to time. I try not to. I really try to accept the way you chose to have fun and entertain yourself. Who am I to talk after all. I am just a sick and tired man, isolated from the outside world by my refined beliefs. Who am I to talk? I have no friends to speak of. I have no one that I would like to share interests with. I don’t do much that I care about. I prefer to stay isolated and comforted from all the absolute crap in the world. I know, who am I to cast judgement on all those who seem to be out there living fun and vibrant lives? What a piece of shit I am. But my bitterness and disdain towards all the crap in the world has been highly developed and refined. I have consciously chosen not to let the crap in. I have chosen to better myself and my sensibilities and rise above and beyond all the mindless, stupid, bullshit crap in the world. I have worked hard to become a refined man of culture. I have developed my aesthetic sensibilities through rigorous self-discipline and a determination to delve deeper than all the crap. To investigate and to learn. To seek things and explore rather than take what is handed me by the crap of culture. Everyone wants to be entertained and have fun. Every one wants to do what everyone else is doing. But I have had to forge my interests and preoccupations in solitude and isolation because the culture I live in is so stupid that it could not offer me the depth and quality that my brain and soul need. But you have given in. You have taken what is easy and common place. But who am I to judge? Just because I have chosen to refine myself beyond the masses, because I have chosen to develop my sensibilities in the same way someone would develop a fine wine or any unique and rare thing. I have chosen not to be a part of the stupidity of what is easily offered to me by the dumbed down masses. Sure it is fun and entertaining. Sure you will laugh a lot but it requires zero refinement to do these things. Should a person not develop beyond childish behavior at some point? Shouldn’t people at some point chose to have fun, laugh and be entertained in ways that do not strip them of their dignity? I disdain those who surrender their dignity because they just want to be entertained and act like stupid dogs. I think we should work harder than that. We should seek out culture like an archeologist seeks out a digging site. We should differentiate ourselves from all the crap because as human beings we can do better than crap. But who am I to judge? I have profoundly deep beliefs. I have a sharp and bitter judgement but I feel like I have earned these things through great suffering and effort. This is why I do not sometimes stop from telling you exactly how I feel. You tell me my interests are pretentious crap but you fail to understand that you call it pretentious because it requires effort to understand. You must really pay attention and focus on the things that I am interested in. They are hard.  Crap requires no effort. That is why it is crap. It is easy.  But who am I to judge? Really I am a nobody. Completely isolated from the world. I am no one so my opinions and beliefs matter not. I am learning, through necessity, to let go of my refined judgments and beliefs, just so I can live more at ease with the people around me, but it is hard to give up something you have worked so long and hard in solitude to refine.

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