Toilet Ruminations #115

My testicle aches. My legs are heavy. My body has endured a psychological storm. It is exhausting being in relationship with other people. Why do we do it to ourselves? It feels like relationships are one of the most unnatural things. Relationships must be a main cause of death. They are brutalizing. Why is it that we put so much power in another person to control how we feel? It seems like the ultimate weakness to be so brutalized by another human being. So effected and infected by the actions of another human being. It makes no sense. Rarely are human beings healthy supplements. Mostly they are cancers that consume us and screw us. But yet we allow them to. We give up all of our power and allow the relationship to colonize us. It makes no sense. Single people must be some of the happiest people around. There are few people in relationship who are not exhausting one another. The initial stages of a relationship can be non-brutalistic and fun but this never lasts. It is an imaginary relationship until the person knows what your poops smell like and is aware of how much you can stink. It is an imaginary relationship as long as everything is fun. Humans like to make up realities in their heads and this is why we construct these ideas about how things should be. Initial stages of a relationship line up with the ideas in our head about how relationships should be because it is in the initial stage of a relationship that things are imaginary. It is only over time that relationships grow real. And they become brutal. They become horrible for us. We give them too much of our power. We depend upon them too much for our survival. Our laziness in relationship is our downfall. Our inability to eradicate stuckness is our weakness. You see, the way I think we are inherently designed is to move from one relationship to another. To not get stuck in these epic saga like relationships which are dead long before their end. We are not supposed to stay in relationship with people when things get too real. When the relationship becomes too brutal. But we do. We do because we are afraid. We can’t live with the grief or the guilt. So we stay in these brutal confrontations with another human and we are upset and stressed out that we are upset and stressed out. But what did we expect? Of course we are upset. We are trying to get milk from a dead and emaciated cow. The relationship is not supposed to last for this long but we carry it on because of a few good days that we have here and there. It is ok to love someone so much and send them on their way because the relationship has become too real. Once a relationship leaves the imaginary stage, ideally we should move on because after is nothing but trouble. Nothing but mutual brutality. We need to be more creative in how we think of relationships. We are too limited in our relationship practices. End the relationship but still have sex and be partners. Turn girlfriends into whores. Make your husband your freind who you have sex with when you want. Collect lovers that were once your signifigant other. Break up but still be good friends. Separate but still get naked with one another now and then. Fall in love with someone else, break up and be friends with benefits while starting a new relationship. There are all kinds of creative antidotes to the antiquated relationship systems that we now employ. They are not healthy for us. They are destroying us. Our inability to stop grasping at something which is long dead is perpetuating our suffering. Fall in love with someone else. Fall in love with yourself. Let the relationship go for Christ sake. Move on. Relationship to relationship. This is how it is supposed to be. Not this long and extended, brutalizing, treacherous, life sucking, body destroying, hair thinning, cellulite creating, psychologically poisoning, emotionally taxing thing that we have made it.

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