On Having One Testicle

When I used to meditate (with two testicles), I would have to have my pants down around my ankles. I looked ridiculous sitting there in lotus posture with my pants down and my underwear on. But I needed to do it. With my pants on the squeeze of my pants would create to much pressure on my testicles. It was terribly uncomfortable to meditate for a long duration of time with pants on.

Now that I only have one testicle, I do not have to deal with that problem much anymore. I can meditate with pants on, since the squeeze is more tolerable. But still I meditate with my pants down. It is a habit at this point.

I have a very difficult time breaking old habits and then creating newer ones. It is probably impossible for me. The moment I get into the grove of a newer, healthier habit it will not be long until the old habit takes over once again. I have a similar pattern with relationships.

I don’t understand why I am now writing about habits and patterns when I am supposed to be writing about having one testicle. ADHD? Maybe. My point is that having one testicle, instead of two, has changed many things about my life. At this point I would recommend that all men have a testicle removed.

Riding a bike becomes much more comfortable. You no longer have to get two testicles to fit on the bicycle seat. One fits much more comfortably.

Tight pants are easier to wear and a man should always prefer tighter pants over the more lose kind. At least if they would like to have some sex appeal. I am 47 or 48 years old and tight pants are the one thing still keeping me in the game. If not for tight pants my age, my thinning hair and my failing social reputation would cause me to have much less sex appeal.

Never underestimate the potential of tight pants. As a psychologist I work with many young men who are often quite upset about not being able to find a woman to have sex with. They complain about all kinds of inadequacies within themselves but they never consider their pants. All of them wear lose pants. I don’t often have the energy to tell them. Every young man must find their own way or be eaten up.

Also, as a psychologist I am not honest with my clients. I need them to like me so I refrain from telling them things that could really help them. Mostly because these things could cause them to hate me.

There are other benefits of only having one testicle. It is much easier for me to check for testicular cancer now. It is easier for me to give myself a testicle massage. It is easier for me to wash between my legs. It feels like there is less weight banging between my legs, interrupting my flow, as I thrust into a woman.

With the few prostitutes and slutty single women I have been sexual with since only having one testicle, my singular testicle is often a great source of conversation. Women seem very interested in my one testicle. They are curious to know how I lost my other testicle. They seem to have a good amount of pity for me. They seem to see me as less of an alpha threat and are willing to give me oral sex much more.

Women also seem to prefer putting one testicle in their mouth as opposed to two. They like rolling my testicle around in their mouth as if it were a hard candy they were sucking on. I did not receive this same treatment with two testicles.

With one testicle walking is easier. There is less friction between the legs. I will admit that for awhile after losing my right testicle, when walking I felt less confident. I would stare down at the ground and have a hunch in my gait. In fact I was less confident in all things after losing my right testicle. But gradually I learned that having one testicle did not make me less of a man. In fact, having one testicle has enhanced everything about my sex life.

Accept for the emotional connection in my marriage. But who needs emotional connections. Emotional connections only cause suffering.

My orgasms are more pleasurable than they have ever been. I presume this is because there are not two testicles competing for the pleasure. Sometimes my orgasms are so strong that I feel like I could explode. I do not remember this happening with two testicles.

With one testicle I now orgasm every single day. At the age of 47 or 48, I forget which one I am, I did not think I would be orgasming everyday. I certainly did not think that my orgasms would be stronger than they were in my youth.

If my one testicle were a human being, it would be a very fit and strong human. It gets that much of daily workout I imagine.

Also I have noticed that my sexual proclivities have changed since become a one testicled man. I was less sexually active when I had two testicles. Now with one testicle, all of my perversions have come forth. I want to act upon my perversions ever day instead of on the weekends (I assume this is because I only have one testicle now and as a result do not want to waste time). I am no longer ashamed to explore my perversion, to let my perversions run the show. This has changed my marriage and my relationship with my two girlfriends for the better.

I am not being hyperbolic when I say that my sex life has greatly improved since only having one testicle. Some may think that it is unfortunate that my emotional connection with my wife would have to decline a lot before my sex life could improve but that is the way it has always been for me. I imagine it is a normal part of male sexuality.

If the very reason for all existence is sex, then I see having one testicle as a very beneficial improvement upon my life.

Having one testicle has been a delightful experience. Losing the testicle was not fun but you can read about that adventure in my book, “Episodes From A Swollen Testicle.”

Even as I write this essay my pants are squeezing my testicle. But it does not hurt. It is not too much of a bother since there is only one testicle in there.

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