Toilet Rumination #127 (How to know if she loves you.)

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction. Nothing in this based on an actual person. I do not endorse any kind of harm or violence done to anyone. I am discussing subversive ideas through fiction.


How can he be in a relationship with a woman who wants to be in a relationship with someone else? She wants to be in a relationship with him but she also wants to be in a relationship with someone else. With him the relationship is close. She loves him and they have built a life with one another. She likes her life with him. They have some passion between the two of them but not much. They are close but in more of a friendly, companionship kind of way. It is a deep and meaningful relationship but there is also a lot of stress caused by her wanting to have relationships with other people. For example, she met another man. This man and her have good sex. They have the kind of sex she wants to be having. Long, hard, intense and mostly about giving her a lot of pleasure. She has the kind of sexual relationship with this man that she wants in her life. She also enjoys his company. She likes being around him because it is fun. They have a good connection with one another and she really enjoys her time with him. With the other man it is difficult for her. It is not always fun. There is a lot of stress and tension. Things are not easy and fun although at times they are. But for the most part there is a distance between them. But with this other guy there is no distance. There is fantasy. Things are very close and even though a distance grows between everyone, they are not there yet. She loves this close connection. She loves the fantasy. And she loves that it is fun and light hearted. She also loves that this man is completely head over heals about her. He is in love with her even though he tries not to be. She is in love with him even though she tries not to be. Who could not be in love in these conditions? And he, the other one, knows this. He feels it. He senses it. It is not hard to. And he is often upset about this. She comes home very late when she is with the other man. He waits up. She does not often text him. She gets very excited about seeing the other man. He gets excited about seeing her. He can feel how she is drawn to this other man. That is ok, he thinks. It is only natural. But he grows fearful. He freaks out. He thinks that she is going to leave him for the other man because he knows how much she loves sex and connection. He thinks that she is more in love with the other man than she is with him. He thinks that she does not want to be married to him. He thinks that she is deceiving him. Not telling him the full truth. He wants to be with her for the entire duration of his life but questions if she feels as strongly about him. He becomes insecure and afraid. He feels like he is going to lose her. He freaks out and then there is intense emotional turmoil. He wonders how he can be in this relationship without any emotional turmoil. Or with much less. How can he be with her when she wants to be with someone else also? Maybe he could just let her be free to be with this man, to have her fun with this man while enjoying his time on his own? Maybe he could be completely confident that she is committed to him while also wanting to spend time with this other man? Maybe he could  just let her be completely free with this other man while getting on with his own life. When she is with him that is great but when she is not with him because she is with this other man that is fine also. He gets sad and feels alone when she is gone but he needs to get over this. How can he create and live his own life while she is gone with another man? I suppose he would really need to feel like she loves him. He would need to feel like she is committed to the relationship. She would need to be able to continually prove this to him. Make him feel like he is safe even though he knows that no one is ever really safe. But then isn’t he putting too much emphasis on her to make him feel a certain way? Shouldn’t he rely on his own resources? If she wants to be with another man how can he be at peace with this? I suppose the only way is to let her be free. To take things day to day. But it’s hard because he grows sad that she wants to be with someone else. He gets upset about it and feels abandoned. He feels lonely without her. But he needs to get over this somehow. He needs to live part of the time as if he were single and part of the time as if he is in a relationship. It hurts him that she wants to be with someone else but it also turns him on. I suppose he would just need to know if she is in love with this other man and wants to be with him more than she wants to be with he. But how can someone ever know that? It changes from day to day. There is no insurance against this sort of thing. Passionate feelings can not be controlled. The only way that he can be healthy in a relationship with someone who wants to be in a relationship with someone else is if he lets go. If he just allows whatever is going to happen to happen. If he stops needing to know. If he just accepts what is and moves on with his own life while still being with her. This often confuses him. How does a person move on with their own life while still being in a relationship with someone they love? It is all very confusing. If there was a pill for non-possessiveness and fearlessness, he would take it.

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