Toilet Rumination #132

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction. Nothing in this based on an actual person. I do not endorse any kind of harm or violence done to anyone. I am discussing subversive ideas through fiction.

I ignore bills. I pay the things I need to pay but I ignore the bills that do not directly effect me. Medical bills, financial aide bills, credit card bills. These things I ignore. They will give me bad credit. They may call me more than I would like. But what do I care? I DO NOT LET THESE BILL COLLECTORS BRING ME DOWN. I KNOW THAT THERE IS NOTHING THEY CAN DO TO ME NOW. I WILL OUT RUN THEM FOR AS LONG AS I CAN. SOME WOULD CALL THIS DUMB BUT I CALL IT SUBVERSIVE. BILLS OR DEBTS ONLY HAVE AS MUCH POWER OVER YOU AS YOU GIVE THEM IN YOUR MIND. IF YOU GIVE THEM NO POWER THEY HAVE NO POWER. BILLS AND DEBTS AND CREDIT ARE ALL PSYCHOLOGICAL. PAY THEM NO MIND AND THEY DON’T MATTER. But there is this continually nagging feeling of guilt and shame in the back of my mind. I feel like I am letting something I need to take care of go. I worry that these bills will come around and kick me in the proverbial ass. What if they take money from my bank? What if they show up at my front door and arrest me? Am I a bad person because I am neglecting these bills? I have bad credit now and as a result am screwed. Thoughts like this fill my mind as I sit here on the toilet thinking about bills. See what I mean about it all being psychological? Debt and bills are a human construct. A social tool of repression and enslavement. Debt and bills have nothing to do with the natural universe. Debt and bills are an artificial construct. I try and keep this in mind. I needed to do what I needed to do to survive and get an education. I paid them some money but I will pay no more. Education and medical bills should not be so expensive. It is morally wrong the prices these institutions charge. Capitalism at its worst. Completely taking advantage of people’s misfortune. Unethical thievery. Thats what these organizations are engaged in. They are horrible entities. Monstrosities and I will try and out run these beasts for as long as I can. Take the money and run, so to speak. I see it as being an ethical outlaw. The ethical outlaw takes what they can from malevolent and greedy institutions and people. An eye for an eye is the ethical outlaw’s driving belief. What is fair is fair. I’ve put in my time now you put in yours. The ethical outlaw must be courageous and continue to do what he or she feels is right in the face of complete exploitation. What am I talking about? You just don’t have the money to pay back these bills. You don’t want to work more as a psychologist to make the money you would need to pay these bills. You want to keep what money you do have for yourself and not have to work more. You are just as greedy and unethical as they are. You both are coming from a similar place. But they have a lot more money than I do. It is true I would rather have more free time. Time is my most important asset. I get indignant when I have to give my time up to someone else in order to make money. This is why I resent all of my clients. I want to cut off their heads. I want to stomp all over them. I disdain them because they are taking away my time. But I need their money. I need to pay for my sex addictions. I need to pay for my book buying addiction. I need to pay for my drugs. I need to pay my mortgage and my office rent. I need to pay for records and food. I need to pay for things that I like in order to feel like all the time I waste making money is somehow worth the sacrifice of my free time. If I was not able to buy things that I like I would see no purpose in doing the work that I do. I need to see some cool object or experience that results from my giving away my time in order to make the money I need off other people. So no, I am not giving up this money to pay the bills that do not directly effect my present moment life. No way. They can go screw themselves. I am keeping that money for me. I would rather buy a record and a whore than pay my bills.

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