Thinking Out Loud #1

Normally I don’t start writing something if I don’t have a title first. But now I just want to write something. I don’t know what. I will just write. I will not worry about grammar or how good it is. I haven’t written in months. I just stopped when all this pandemic thing went down. I had been diligently working on writing a novel. Closer to finishing a novel than I had ever been. But then Covid hit and my novel lost all relevance. I lost interest. I became more interested in the state of the world. The quotidian. And as every daily creative writer knows, if you get too caught up in the quotidian, all writing tends to stop.

A man is kayaking past my boat. He is wearing a mask. I am happy to see that. Some may think, Why the hell is he wearing a mask when he is out in the water, in the great wide open? My answer is because he is smart. Who knows how contagious Covid is. Who knows how you can really catch it. This is an alien virus. Extraterrestrial. To pretend we know that much about it is hubris. Why not wear a mask when out on a kayak? Yeah, it is inconvenient but you are sending a message that there is a horrible plague ravaging this country and things are not normal. You are displaying your consideration for people like me who feel much more comfortable when you pass by on your kayak wearing a mask. When I walk around an area where the majority are masked, I feel much more at ease. I am grateful. What is wrong with treating others this way?

Those selfish bastards more concerned with conspiracy theories, overthinking and their own freedom not to be “muzzledare spreading the virus. I don’t even argue with them. Do what you got to do man, is my response. I am wearing a mask wherever I go. I confess to instantly disliking anyone I see out and about without a muzzle on. We all need to be muzzled in a time of plague if we want to get through this with less dead. It is always the loud and extroverted who resist the muzzling. This world would be so much better off if they could just be a bit more quiet and content to be home. The extroverts are destroying it for everyone else. I know that is a generalization but most people I know who are against masks and quarantine are those who had the most difficult time during the lockdown. They didn’t know what to do without being able to socialize and be waited on.

I am rambling. But this is how I write. I ramble. I would like to write in a different way. I suppose I would like to be more technical in my writing but it is just not what I do. I ramble. I write in the same way that an experimental musician makes music. It is all stream of consciousness here.

I live with my dog on a boat in a small beach town about an hour outside of LA. It is beautiful here but I don’t really like it. Too many white people. Too many rich white people. Too many people with entitlement problems. Too many Trump flags hanging from yachts. Too many bad dressers. I could complain on and on but I am not thrilled about the human element here. So I keep to myself. I stay mostly in and on my boat. I read. I draw. I work my job (from home thankfully). I listen to music. I worry. I think about all the things I should do while doing nothing. I worry about being sick with Covid. I feel agitation towards all the people out and about with no masks on. Recently I have been telling myself to just be kind. Strive for goodness. Be a good human being. The selfish assholes are just more evident now. Just wave. You are not going to change their mind. Leave them alone. The only thing that will work is for them to get sick or for someone they love to get sick. Then they will realize that they are willingly passing this virus around to others. Not cool.

Why are human beings not more intrinsically motivated to do everything they can to stop the spread of this virus? Why all the over-rationalizations and intellectualizations? I just don’t get it. Seems pretty obvious to me what is going on. There is a global pandemic. America is getting hit real bad because of the selfish and ignorant way it has been being dealt with. But nonetheless it is a highly contagious virus and if we all put on masks and try to stay home as much as possible we can limit its spread to others. Then maybe it will greatly decrease. Less people will die. Less people will get sick. But America is choosing the herd immunity approach. Throw everyone into the fire and see who survives. Pretty horrible if you ask me.

Today I woke up with a sore throat. The glands under my arms a bit swollen. Pressure in my nose. I drank many beers yesterday and was less vigilant around hand washing and spending money. So I am slightly concerned about having Covid today because I went a bit nuts yesterday. I hung out with a girl. I had fun. But I am also starting to feel better. I certainly have a tendency to lean towards neurotic hypochondria. But I do not think it is that neurotic anymore. I live in an environment where there is a highly contagious plague on the loose. It is a plague. Even Trump has called it that. The one thing I agree with him about.

Anyways, I just wanted to write something and post it to my long neglected blog. I am going to try and start writing again. On a more regular basis. Living on a boat in a very serene landscape has sedated me. I understand how beach bums become beach bums. It has almost happened to me. But I will resist this atrophy by writing. Feels good to be rambling again. Feels good to be using my fingers to type away. Feels good to smash my keyboard with my out of shape fingers as I think out loud.

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